My Cheap Ass Genie

Sometimes I can’t sleep at night. Ok- well most times I can’t sleep at night. I stay awake obsessing about my student loans, stressing about my lack of a post-grad job and fretting about whether or not the bf is going to like living in LA. Also, I share my bed with a tiny bed-hogging COW, so that creates problems as well.

Therefore at night I day dream- night dream? - about what would happen if I had three wishes. Don't judge- you know you have thought about it too... Oddly enough, my wishes are always the same. First, I would like to become fluent in Spanish. I currently speak “white people Spanish,” which works, but it’s not ideal. Second, I would like to have a better body. Yeah yeah yeah every girl wants this, I know. However I bust my ASS daily (waking up at 445 am and going to the gym SIX days a week), and I still am not happy with the ‘ole bod. I think I could dig on Brooke Burke’s body, minus the big boobs- all you need is a handful right? (sorry dad)

So- speakin’ the Spanish with my bangin new bod, I would wish for…. ONE MILLION DOLLARS. For some reason in my dream the genie is a cheap ass and won’t let me have more than one mil. Something about the IRS, taxes, losing his lamp privileges. Who knows. I realize that 1 million bucks really isnt’t that much money… but I can’t change my dreams people!  Anywho- I want a mil. The first thing I would do is pay off my credit card debt and student loans. I can FEEL my credit score getting higher. WEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then what? I mean sure, I would go buy an unnecessarily expensive purse and probably take a vacation, but then what?

               

Unnecessarily expensive purse: See Marc Jacobs, Louis Vuitton or Prada; See also Fendi, Miu Miu or Chanel.

That’s it. The dream always ends there. I have the bod, the Spanish and no loans- but I never spend the rest of the money. Clearly my dream self and my real self have not met. In real life, I honestly would pay off my debt and put the rest in savings and or investments, and spend a little but my dream self would SPEND ‘DAT MONEY!!! (sorry dad)

Today in class at home, I pondered what I would buy.  I am VERY TYPE A (shocking right) and my days are pretty regimented. Up at 445, gym until 645, work and or class from 830-5, homework/tv and cooking/boozing until 930or 10. Rinse, lather, repeat. (Shit I’m boring- I promise my weekends are waaaaaaay more fun). I really don’t shop very often. Truth be told, the bulk of my money is spent on food/drink out with friends. 1 million bucks of food and drink? NOT A GOOD LOOK. (oink) maybe I could go on that show Heavy afterward- that might be cool! NOT.  

Random thoughts-

 Maybe I can give some to the bf and he can guy another gun or something? HELL NO- I promise, if you knew how many guns he had you would agree with me here. Also, guns = dead animals that he will want to hang on my walls. Oh no he didn’t. 

Maybe I could buy a bigger house? Earth to Taylor- you don’t even have a job yet. Lets not put down roots when you may have to ditch all of your shit for a neon shopping cart. Ya dig?

I could donate some of it? Yeah sure, donate it. Just make sure that you stop by and visit all of the dogs (I would FOR SURE give to the SPCA) while you are wandering around town with your shopping cart. 

What about clothes? You will need clothes with your new body! True- a few items of clothing would be fabulous. Make sure that you buy a few suits in the extremely unlikely event you get a job. Also make sure you have warm clothing, layers etc. See neon shopping cart.

So there you have it- I got nothing. I don’t need a new car, I won’t have any debt in my dream, I sure as hell don’t/won’t have kids to take care of thank you Ortho Tri-Cyclen (sorry dad).  There are only three things that I am FOR SURE going to buy:

1. laker tickets (Meeting Jack Nicholson is on my bucket list- and I LOVE me some lake show)

2.  a golf cart (I have no reason for this, I just want one)

3. a pogo stick ( I seriously loved that thing)

Any ideas on how I should spend the rest of the monies?!