I am not one to hold a grudge. I am much more of the, alright this happened lets figure out how to deal with it so we can be friends again and I don’t have to beat your ass type. Fight. Haggle. Figure it out. Move on. Let us avoid the gray area, shall we?
Anywho- despite this charming character trait, there are a few things that I will NEVER be able to get over. I am currently experiencing a whole lotta’ change in my life last day of work, school is ending, boyfriend moving in…CRISIS PANIC, so I have been thinking a lot about the constants in my life. Naturally, I came up with the things that will forever piss me off. Classy right? See if you agree.
Depends Commercials.
Seriously Taylor, this is something that bothers you? Um, YES. I mean come on, getting old is scary enough. WHY oh WHY do we need a commercial reminding us, Hey you are going to get old and shrively and forget your family members and not know how to drive…AND you are also going to start pissing yourself!!!! WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! Absolutely not. AND to add insult to injury, have you seen the Whoopi Goldberg depends commercials? Sister must SERIOUSLY need some cash. Hmm, running out of money. I know what I’ll do! I will become the queen of the pants-pissers! DO. NOT. DIG. IIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFF this happens to me when I get older: A. I will NOT tell you about it B. I do NOT want to be told about it. Diaper isle be damned.
Animal Purses
Seriously T, you are insane. (oh pipe down). Honestly though, Why in the wide wide world of sports do you need a purse shaped like a chicken, or a cat? If you are under the age of six, you are exempt. Sadly, the majority of offenders seem to be overage. There is this chick in my office, and I LOVE her. She is great. HOWEVER- she has a rubber chicken purse. Let me repeat- A RUBBER CHICKEN PURSE. I get that animals are cute (see Dot to your left) but c’mon, NOT in the handbag. Seriously what sort of goofy mother effer walks around with a fish dangling from their shoulder, or holding a rooster? Fashion FAIL.
Skorts
Unless you are playing tennis, this fashion “item” is a no go. Shorts or skirt? PICK A SIDE. Look! From the front I am wearing a skirt, but when I turn around I really have on shorts!! What kind of weird shit is that? Basically, you are telling the world that you are not mature enough to wear a skirt. I wanted the skirt, buy mummy wouldn’t let me. To the stores that actually sell this item- High five! Way to fuel the fire that is BAD FASHION. I don’t do gray areas, thus I don’t do skorts.
Family Bumper Stickers
You know the ones- mom dad and ten kids in stick figures complete with fido and kitty? Listen up people, if you have the balls to drive a minivan (ick) we get that you have a gazillion kids. Why do you feel the need to advertise it? You were probably one of those tools that had the “baby on board” visor in your car, and “my child is an honor student at…” A prayer for you, “that you may learn to separate yourselves from your children and cease displaying offensive and unnecessary art on your car.” AMEN.
Socks With Sandals
Everyone knows this is a fashion no-no Tay. Right, but let us ponder the reason behind the socks. Sandals are for WARM weather, for spring and summer, for letting your feet breathe! Here’s hopin’ you got a pedicure before hand…musty old winter feet- not sexy. Adding the sock…just doesn’t make sense. You are essentially taking the entire point of the sandal and giving it the middle finger. Just you try, you sly sandal, to show my naked foot. Not in my house! Here’s a thought: PUT. ON. A. SHOE. Unless, however, you would like to traipse around town advertising the fact that you are either a total a douche lord, or that your idea of a good time is hangin’ out at Carlos and Charlie’s with your Hawaiian shirt and fanny pack. Up to you.
I should mention that this list is non-exhaustive. I imagine I will post MANY more “things I dislike” entries. THIS is why Facebook needs a dislike button. Happy Tuesday, and GO LAKERS!
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