Is the Gym That-a-Way?

I apologize for the lag in blog time- sister has been busy and has not been feelin’ well. However, as it is Friday, I dare not disappoint. Thankfully, my new gym provides amazing content. Here we go…

If you know me at all you know I am about three steps away from pitching a tent so I can be closer to the gym. I am one of those weirdos who actually enjoys going to the gym. In fact, I get seriously cranky when I don’t go.

Cranky: See picking fights with the bf for no reason; see also unnecessarily complaining about being fat. [This is after ONE day people. I have no clue how babe puts up with me]

For the past year or so I have gone to a gym that is very close to my apartment. Its large, has free parking, a pool and sauna, lots of room and great group classes. [I’m a spinning MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] So, when my gym CLOSED FOR FIVE MONTHS for renovations- you can guess my reaction.

Despair 

Denial

Anger

WHAT THE…

Yeah- it was bad. Thankfully I found a new gym that is even closer to my apartment that actually costs less. This is great… but it comes with a price. The new gym, that I shall not name, is a bit...dirty. The people are…eclectic. I am all for a big ass melting pot of people, but at the gym this type of mix can get dicey.(I will save the dirty gym blog for another time). Although the gym is dirty, it provides all that I need to exercise and more. My gym provides ENTERTAINMENT! Allow me to explain.

Gym preview: The gym opens at five to a looooooooong line of, I kid you not, senior citizens. Those toothless mamma-jamma's cannot wait to get into the gym. The anticipation… and the doors open…and they rush in…

to sit on the stationary bike pedaling at .1 miles an hour.

Someone please explain this to me. I told this to the bf the other day: I just don’t get it, but I guess when I get old I will go to the gym and walk or something so that I can work out my joints.  Response, "Babe, let’s not talk about the days when we will have janky joints. I know you are a planner, but come on." Point babe.

Once inside the gym, things look ‘aaight. There are plenty of machines, a pool, a running track and group classrooms. I get there around 5:10 in the morning [I told you, I’m insane] and my favorite thing to do is look for When. Not at typo- the dudes name is When. EVERY SINGLE DAY When wears: a Hawaiian shirt, neon sweat pants, mismatching socks and tie-dye crocs. Who the hell would by a tie-dye crock?!?!?  Not only does he look insanely amusing, but he is one of those people that never uses the machines the way they were intended to be used: the leg press is to be used with your hands, the pull up bar is to hang from your knees and benches in the weight room are for lounging. The guy is like a human fruit bat.

The thing that I actually like about the gym is that there are very few women there. Yeah, yeah yeah, not for the reasons you think. Most of the men there are middle aged and in incredible shape, like my dad. (yay dad!) I like to watch what they do with free weights sometimes to get ideas, (I hate my arms)... Ok that’s true- but the reeeeaalll reason I like the men is to hear their conversations.

[ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS- NO, SERIOUSLY.]

“Hey Jon- did you remember to bring your gloves today?”

“Oh shit I forgot them- check up your ass!!”

“I told Nancy we should never have girls. This jackass came over and wanted to take Sarah out. His pants were so low I went into the closet and got him a belt of mine. Sarah was pissed, but I don’t give a F***. My daughter isn’t dating a douche who shows his ass crack.”

“Hey Sam, how’s the Rogaine going? Hahahahaha”

“Shut up- who cares that I use Rogaine? That shit works. It’s like the commercial- I use it and get ass every time.”

If anyone reading has ever needed inspiration for a script or if you just want to be entertained, come to my gym. Come early and we can wait outside with all of the Q-tips.[old people with white hair. te-hehe] When the gym opens we can go visit When, and  then be entertained by a sea of middle aged men!

Aside from it being entertaining, have I mentioned I’ve lost five pounds since going to the new gym? Yeah, laughing your ass off. heh heh. 

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!