I think I need to become city manager. Either that or I need to find the person who decides when and where city maintenance takes place. Allow me to explain…
I, as well as thousands of other Santa Monica/Los Angeles residents, use Wilshire to get onto the 405. The on ramp is right by my apartment, so usually this takes me about five minutes. I pulled out of my driveway this morning and noticed traffic. What the EFF is this shiz?!?!?! I was on the phone with the bf, and I could hear him cringe the second I said the dreaded T word. Note about Tay: sister does NOT do well with traffic. Imagine a two year old running on two days with no sleep. crankAY. “BAAAAAAAAAABE! What in the world is going on heeerrrrruuuuuuhhhhh?!?!?!?”
My first thoughts: maybe it was a wreck? Maybe one of the busses is taking up two lanes? You know, the big ones that area really two busses connected by a giant-sized accordion. Perhaps there is an unusually large bird on the side of the road and everyone haaaaad to stop and look at it? Wrong, wrong and WRONG. Fifteen minutes later blood boiling when I finally got to the onramp I found my answer….TREE TRIMMERS.
I know- you are thinking Tay, pipe down, it’s not a big deal. UM it is when they are dangling from the tree like effing monkeys rather than actually trimming the tree. Seriously! The three jokers were suspended in the air, swinging with the greatest of ease. If you want to dangle from a tall object, join the effing circus. I couldn’t decide what I was more upset about- the fact that these jokers were performing a circus act rather than doing their job, or that someone had actually authorized two entire lanes of traffic to be closed during rush hour. NONE of the equipment was on the actual road- everything was nicely contained on the median. Why were the lanes closed? There is no way in hell a branch was going to fall because the ding-bats in the air weren’t actually cutting anything! Perhaps a leaf might fall?
CRISIS!!!!!!!! HEAVEN FORBID A LEAF MIGHT FIND ITS WAY OFF OF THE TREE ONTO MY CAR. You have GOT to be kidding.
Resisting every single urge in my body to honk and/or roll down the window and scream obscenities, I refrained. I’m a lady y’all. Going back to what I said earlier, I honestly think that 80% of the traffic in LA is due to rubber necking. I mean ok, I get it. Some douche crashed his Bentley and we all want to see it. Right. However, the following scenarios do NOT warrant deceleration. (I have witnessed ALL of these)
1. Animals mating/dancing/being generally unusual on the railing on the freeway. (go sit at the beach for ten minutes, you will get your show. Or, watch the discovery channel, they show weird stuff like this 24/7.)
2. A cop giving a traffic citation. (yes, I understand you are happy that it isn’t you. However let’s not make ourselves late staring at the poor ‘ole chap.)
3. Inmates picking up trash on the side of the road. (you want that fool to hop in your car? Me thinks not. Get on with it.)
4. A homeless person walking on the side of the freeway. (yes it sucks, but there are homeless people all over the place for your gazing pleasure. Feel bad? Throw some change their way at your next STOP LIGHT.)
5. Construction. (ok seriously- this really gets me riled up. why in GODS NAME would you want to stare at the construction, thus making the already unbearable traffic WORSE. You do realize that LA= traffic. Construction= more traffic. Staring at the construction in the LA traffic= IMMA KICK ‘YO ASS.)
Phew! That felt good to get off of my chest. I arrive at work generally unscathed, and only 10 min late. I guess I will trade the 10 min for a good blog idea. HOWEVER, no more of this city maintenance during rush hour nonsense. Unless… it is absolutely necessary, a.k.a. someone is actually doing their job. Seeing as I am going to be unemployed soon, perhaps I should apply? Taylor the tree trimmer. Sounds fitting. Until next time. ..
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